Muse?

Doesn't matter if you're a fan of music or not, but there's something about watching a live concert that is absolutely consuming, jaw dropping in fact, to watch. These people who truly are in love with what they do. It's a calling. Which I think they would be lost if they could not lose themselves in the making of their art.
I was drunk on the passion of watching the genius, the sublime, of it all.
I'm crashing now. Pffft, having no passion for anything.
Where is my muse?
"Hit me with sweet music" - Sublime
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Thinking

Thinking God and Satan had a bet going, and I was at the centre. Things were taken away from me, and my life was shaken. Was it a test of faith?
If so, I'm probably falling miserably
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Demons and monkeys

Demons and monkeys running around in my head. Demons and monkeys running around in my head. The demon is the ugliest, biggest super villain ever... It's called Boarderline.
I have good days and bad and then I crash. The demon kicks in the door. The demon is here.
Thought about getting an exorcism if it would help get rid of the demon. But the Demon is Me and I would nothing without it. I need to learn to put the two of us together.
Where are you God?



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Life Plan

To be honest, I don't know what my temperament is suited for, and that's the pathetic thing for a forty-one year old woman to say. But I never got a chance to figure it out for myself. Maybe, if things had been different, I would have become a nurse like my sister, an artist, a musician, a butcher, a candlestick maker. I don't know. I never had a chance to decide. The Boarderline makes all the decisions.
But still, I keep going. Doing everything I can think of. Step one, step two, step three. Check, check, check. The problem is that I never quite make it to the last step.
How can I make a life plan. I'm going to have to ask the Boarderline what it wants right now


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Real?

I remember as a child laying in the tub with my ears under the water to prove to myself I was real. If I had a heartbeat I must be real right?
I'm a lot older now but, I still don't feel real. Starting to think I never will


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